Postcard From the Algarve - February 06

The opening, scheduled for 4pm, got under away around 4.30pm. The chairman of the project then spoke for 10 minutes before inviting his deputy chairwoman to speak. She spoke animatedly for five minutes before handing over to an elderly gent who rambled for around eight minutes. Four other people also said their various pieces, before the building was officially declared open around 5.30pm.

But before we could move on to wine and cakes, the official opening book had to be signed by each of the seven speakers. But not just a signature. As the pen was passed on each speaker took another few minutes of our time to tell us again how honoured he, or she, was to be present at this opening.

Just when I thought it was all over. An elegant lady pushed her way to the front of the 50 or so spectators, to spend another five minutes thanking the speakers for speaking. I left then, before someone else could attack this captive audience.

My wife, who works for a local charity, attended a meeting of all local associations to discuss co-operation - a 9.30pm start. A 10.20pm real start. It seemed that anyone who wanted could speak. She left at 11.15pm when nothing had been decided but a heated discussion was in progress to settle the date of the next meeting.

Films at a local film club are prefaced by 20 minutes talk on the film’s director. Festivals of folk music are routinely halted while the leader of each group thanks the audience for coming, lists the number of medals the group has won and where and when they were won, and what song was responsible.

And….Well Openings. The council renews at least one public well every year and at these events sometimes the speakers outnumber the audience. And it’s all so serious. I don’t think I’ve heard a single speaker come near to telling a joke.

Well, the answer is in my own hands; arrive very later for everything.

* The ONE event that does start on time is the annual motorcycle rally parade. Every year, in July, some 30-40,000 bikers camp out for a three-day rally outside Faro. On their last Sunday most of them drive in procession round the city. The parade is scheduled to start at 10am. It does.